Do you ever feel like you're part of a circus act, walking the tightrope or juggling balls or being shot out of a cannon? That's pretty much how I feel on any given day, and I must admit most days I don't even notice. But there are times when I feel like I'm teetering on the edge, balls are falling around me in slow motion, and I've forgotten to get my helmet before climbing into the cannon.
All year long I think of fabulous classes I want to teach at different venues. But when it comes time to pull them together and create the samples, they don't always turn out the way I've pictured them in my mind for all those months. I've had just that problem for weeks and weeks and it makes me doubt myself a little too much and question my talent a little too often.
On New Year's Day two friends came over and they were just what I needed. They loved samples I'd made to submit for a summer convention and offered advice on things I could tweak here and there.
My IntraLASIK surgery is scheduled for Thursday. To say that I'm a Nervous Nellie would be the understatement of the century!!! Today I'm reading, initialing and signing my release form and now I'm on the verge of a real panic attack. Floaters, infections, starbursts, blurry vision...oh my word, what am I thinking? On the other hand, you can't imagine what its like to wake in the night, or even in the morning, and not be able to see where you are, or even see your glasses on the nightstand. To be honest, I don't even see the nightstand!! For the past year I've suffered with horrible allergies that have led to numerous eye infections. I've been forced to wear my glasses more often than my contact lenses, and let me tell you, searching for glasses when you can't see your own face in the mirror when your nose is just 3" away is no picnic. So while I'm concerned about the risks I'm excited beyond imagination to think that I may be able to see the clock when I wake up, and best of all, see my own reflection in a mirror at three inches or twelve.
My schedule is full. My to-do list is ever growing. My insecurities and doubt hover near the surface. The dozens of endangered polar bear commercials I've seen over the last week will continue to air. And yet, I imagine wonderful things are headed my way. I have faith that my friendships will last forever, that my vision will be corrected, the economy is turning, the polar bears will continue to thrive, and we're all going to be blessed in this new year of 2009.
Take a look at this bicycle, loaded with far more than you'd think it could carry, but it's done, day in and day out.
So yes, my plate is full and I continue to take on more. My bike is most certainly overloaded. But it just means standing up on the pedals and knowing that once I get going, I'm on my way, and nothing's gonna stop me.
a moment of perfect contentment
9 hours ago